$ 2 million

I have become a crazy person, certifiably crazy.  I don't really know how I got here.  I should be waking up in the morning thinking about the day ahead, making plans for dinner, creating a grocery list in my mind, scheming to squeeze in some exercise, wondering how to top up my RRSPS.   Instead, I wake up with a heavy weight on my chest.  First thing, before my eyes open, 5 am on the dot.  I open one eye to glance at the clock hoping beyond all hope that it will proclaim a decent hour.  Something reasonable like 6 am or 6:30 am... but no.  It always says 5 am.  For the next hour and a half I struggle to fall back into the safe haven of sleep.  I fight to keep the anxious thoughts out.  I know that if I just get out of bed and walk a few steps down the hall, my daytime brain will take over with all of it's rationalizations, and I will feel a sense of calm, reassured that my problems are not insurmountable.  

Here is where crazy comes in.  I have put myself out on a long and thin limb with only a tentative grip.  My first thought is not about the plans for the day and whether or not I can get it all done.  No.   My first thought is wondering whether I can raise another $2 million.  Two million!  Who does that?  Who makes a decision to try to reach such an out of reach goal?  Why place such a monstrous thing on my shoulders?

There is a very long answer to that question.  It comes with a very long story and I think it is time to tell it.  I have tried on many occasions to start this story with no success.  Recently, I met a remarkable young woman.  She is young and beautiful, highly educated and skilled with energy and enthusiasm that should be bottled up and sold for millions.  She is teaching me all things social media.  That is her job.  Her career.  Yep.  Thirty five years ago, heck, ten years ago, there was no such thing and now smart young people are making a career out of teaching the ins and outs of information technology and creating a stellar web presence.  Charlotte's was the only popular web around when I was growing up but here we are, a new and challenging era.

And so, here's to you Martha.  You recommended I blog and then you poked me when I hadn't posted yet.  I am curling up in a cannonball, plugging my nose and jumping in.  Two million dollars for 200,000 AIDS orphans.  That's worth a blog or two