The gift of sight

Me Mansante- Bracelet of Hope Foster Mother

Hello Everyone,

I wanted to thank all of you.  In 24 hours, starting Monday morning, we raised $6,000 bringing the total to just under $11,000.   That's the highest one day total in the history of the Bracelet of Hope Falling Leaves Run.  A friend of mine is a long haul truck driver.  He drives across Canada and back.  He sees the whole country. He donated $500 yesterday morning.  I chastised him.  Some people give much more than they can comfortably manage.  I love those people.

This is what he told me, "Just wanted to see you well over the 10000$ range, a bit closer to twenty. Great to hear about your foster mom. Hope she only sees the nice things and people in this ole place. After all we are Canucks aren't we? We always try to side step the big corporations to make the world a better place...is the Canuckian way."

It is the 'Canuckian way'.  He has inspired me.  I'd like Me Mantsane to get those cataracts removed.  I need a new winter wardrobe.  Well, I want one.  I don't need one.  If I give up the new clothes this winter and stop buying lunches and coffee, I will save about $1,000.  I will put those funds towards her cataract surgery.   

In the meantime, if you can sponsor even a small amount and push my Falling Leaves run total to $15,000 before Saturday then in the new year, I will contribute the rest of the funds needed to restore Me Mantsane's eyes.  Small sacrifice for this beautiful woman's sight.

Thanking all Canadians and beyond!

This IS who we are.

Click here to donate:  http://fallingleavesrun.braceletofhope.ca/annemariezajdlik

Phacoemulsification: From Blindness to 20:20 vision in < 6 min

The clinic that Bracelet of Hope is building in Lesotho, Africa

One of Bracelet of Hope's foster mothers has cataracts and her blindness is progressing rapidly.  She is in her 60's and she cares for several of the foster children we support.

To have both cataracts removed will cost $5,000.  A cataract is a clouding of the lens of the eye leading to blindness.  The procedure that removes the cataract by removing the lens of the eye is called phacoemulsification which essentially breaks up the lens into tiny fragments that are then sucked out of the eye and replaced with a man-made lens.  

It takes six minutes and restores sight.

Imaging being in a country where this procedure is not available to you.  You are a mother and a grandmother and you care for foster children whose parents have died of AIDS but your vision is failing, rapidly.  Doctors know what the problem is and it is easily fixed but the fee is incomprehensible to you.  You accept blindness instead and those who rely on you for protection will be vulnerable once again.

My good friend Andy Mc Dougall and I have been emailing back and forth about Me Mantsane.  She accepts her fate without complaint.  You see, when life has not given you much and so many things have been taken from you, you not only learn strength and resilience but you also learn to accept things like the death of your children and your own blindness.  

Andy reminded me of a quote by Sir Edmund Burke that I used to quote in my speeches: 

     " All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men and women to do nothing"

Nothing is just not acceptable.  You see, when life has given you very, very much, I believe much is expected of you.  It just takes one step to move away from apathy and 'nothing':  One idea, one suggestion, one activity, one donation, one prayer.

Stay tuned.  Let's see what Andy and I can do for lovely Me Mantsane.  In the short term, we will need to find resources and funds for Me Mantsane that presently extend beyond the scope of Bracelet of Hope.   In the longterm, that clinic that Bracelet of Hope is building will provide the access that Me Mantsane and others like her need to receive this kind of treatment and live full and healthy lives without devastating disabilities that are easily correctable.

Click to donate as I walk and cycle very, very far away from doing nothing:

 http://fallingleavesrun.braceletofhope.ca/annemariezajdlik

Anne-Marie 

Braceletofhope.ca

We have bent it; NOW we can BREAK it!

In 2014, there were 36.9 million people living with HIV, most of them women and children in sub Saharan Africa.  Since 2,000, 25.3 million people have died of AIDS.

We have highly effective treatments for HIV, treatments that drive the virus in a patient's bloodstream to undetectable levels and once there, render the  virus incapable of transmission to another human being.  Test and treat everyone and the AIDS pandemic is over.

Here is how far we have come:  As of March 2015, 15 million people living with HIV were accessing effective treatment; up from 13.6 million in June of 2014.  That is staggering, life changing, world altering success.  That's treatment for  31 % of all children living with HIV, 41 % of all adults and 73% of all pregnant women infected with the virus in whom treatment prevents transmission to the newborn.  That's a lot of vulnerable people that have been given a shot at a decent life, a lot of children whose parents can live to care for them and a lot of families that can stay intact and healthy.

As it stands today, HIV cannot be cured.  Our immune system is pretty remarkable.  You have billions of cells called CD4 cells.  These are a type of white blood cell that are essential to a healthy immune system.  As soon as a virus or a bacteria enter your body, these amazing cells send signals to other immune cells which then kill the invading infection.  Without these cells, the immune system is rendered useless and the body is left vulnerable to a wide range of infections which ultimately kill the host.  Let's be clear, in non-scientific terms, this is terrible death.

You are beautiful and so are your CD4 cells

The HIV virus uses the CD4 cells to stay alive.  The virus enters the CD4 cell and uses the cells systems to divide itself causing the death of the cell and rapid division and spread of new HIV viruses.  We now have miraculous medications that stop the HIV virus from entering, using and killing the CD4 cell.  As long as a person with HIV takes these medications, he/she will live and live well.  But HIV still lurks.  Some CD4 cells containing the virus are left on standby.  They sit in latent pools of cells waiting to be called into active duty.  These pools of cells can exist for a lifetime and, in fact, it would take 120 years until each one has been called upon to fight infection.  Until all of these cells are called into action, HIV medications cannot reach the virus that hides in them.  Normal life expectancy, yes.  A cure, no.  At least not today.

But, new medications are on the horizon.  They act directly on these sleeping CD4 cells to kill the virus they contain.  A cure is within our reach.  After 25 years of fighting this virus with millions left dead and many more still infected, we are so close to a cure.

We have bent it; now we can break it!

I'd like to make HIV treatment and, eventually that cure, available to people who would otherwise be left out....and left to die.  We're building a clinic in Lesotho, Africa.  It will treat thousands of people infected with HIV.  And when the cure is available, we will have the structure in place to bring that cure to the most vulnerable people on the planet.  What a win for humanity that will be.  And we all know, humanity needs a few 'wins' right now.

Help me start equipping that clinic:  exam tables, stethoscopes, blood pressure cuffs, surgical tools, you name it, we'll need it.  Let's fully equip four exam rooms.  Bring $20,000 into the picture and do something no other North American community is doing!

Donate that much in the next three weeks, and I will run 5 km and cycle 50 km.  I may not be breathing at the end, but I will do it.  Join me if you'd like.

September 19th.  The fourth annual Bracelet of Hope Falling Leaves run ( and in my case, cycle).

Click here to donate:      http://fallingleavesrun.braceletofhope.ca/annemariezajdlik

Purple Rain

In the summer of 2011, I travelled to Lesotho with 12 Guelph high school students.  These brilliant kids had been selected from each of their schools to join a group called 'Reach Lesotho'.   The brain child of an equally brilliant young man, Abid Virani, the Reach Lesotho kids worked tirelessly for 18 months educating themselves on international development issues and specifically the difficulties faced by the people of Lesotho.  I had the privilege of getting to know and love these students and the even greater privilege of leading them into this beloved country.

We were all changed by that trip.  Four years later, many of them are now completing their first university degree and heading into professional programs.  I am so proud of each one of them, for who they are and for what they have accomplished.

Reach Lesotho:  Summer of 2011

After every trip to Lesotho, I come home inspired to find unique ways to raise more funds for our programmes there.  I carry home with me the memory of the faces of our foster children, the women who struggle to keep their families alive and the sick who, despite incredible advancements in the treatment of HIV, continue to struggle for survival.  In the fall of 2011, I had the brilliant idea of holding a huge party in my front yard.  Remember my Batman?  The qualities that make my husband face home intruders in his underwear with bat in hand, are the same qualities that make it very difficult for him to relax when 200 people are partying in a huge tent on his front yard.

For nine years now, the internationally renowned blues artist, Steve Strongman and his band, have headed to Guelph to entertain his Guelph fans in a back yard party.  I admit that I am one of Steve's groupies.  His music is magical.  My good friend, Kevin Brown, feels the same way.  Up until 2011, Kevin hosted these back yard parties with all proceeds given to Bracelet of Hope.  Every year, Kevin's friends ( an army of them ) and family ( an army in and of itself ) would pile into his small back yard to enjoy good food, great company and the incredible musical talent of Steve and his band.  And every year, in true Ontario style, it would rain and the party would be moved into Kevin's small living room with Steve and his band belting it out in the corner, the couches moved aside and Kevin's beautiful hard wood floor straining under the weight of our middle aged dancing feet.

In 2011, to preserve that beautiful floor and anticipate the rain, I rented a huge party tent.  The good folks from Royal Rentals ended up donating the tent.  In the week before the event, they erected this monstrous white party tent, hammering pegs deep into the ground just above our weeping tiles, my husband looking on in horror.  He's such a good guy, my batman.  How many husbands would stand by as his crazy wife threatened the integrity of the household septic tank?  The tent was beautiful.  I will never forget driving home for weeks after the event, gasping as I caught the first glimpse of that majestic tent as it filled the space in front of our house.

We live on 11 acres in an old farm house.  The house sits in a small valley.  Even though we sit 300 meters back from the road, the acoustics of the valley heighten the sound of the cars as they whiz past.  As a result, it is not quite the quiet country property my husband hoped it would be.  But, who knew how perfect it would be for a party like this.  The property is not flat.  Not an inch of it anywhere.  Our dirt driveway climbs a hill to the house.  It's a hill.  It is not flat.  The tent was erected on a slope.  It was beautifully perched but obviously tilted.  We filled the tent with tables and chairs and food, a stage and, yes, a dance floor.  Who knew you could rent a dance floor?

About 150 people joined us that night.  My lovely prayer group ladies coordinated all the food.  Kevin's son, Richard Brown owner of Babelfish Bistro in Guelph, donated the best ribs I have ever tasted.  Steve and his band played for hours.  The dance floor was packed with multiple generations of people.   And I mean packed.  I watched.  Steve played his own music.  He also played the covers of songs that many at this party had grown up with.  Each time he played a new song, more people would flock to the dance floor until the dancers seemed to become one massive, moving unit.  They were dancing on a hill which made the unit slowly move toward Steve and the stage.  Every few minutes, the dancing mass would turn and dance back up the slope.  It was hilarious.

By one am, Steve was encouraging the crowd to let him go home.  I ventured into the house to see if my husband had survived the night without having a massive coronary.  He was asleep just as Steve and his band played the last song:  Purple Rain.  The song filled our little valley and echoed off the trees just as a post-midnight mist settled above.  It was so eerily beautiful.  I laid down for a minute, just to soak in the magic of the moment and thought of how blessed I was.  Who gets to be part of such joy?

We raised $26,000 that night for Bracelet of Hope just doing what people do best:  enjoying the company of others and celebrating the privilege of being alive.



Anne-Marie

Gender Inequality: The plight of the world's women

Anne-Marie and Me Matsepo- Spring of 2014

"The fate of girls and women is precisely the fate of their countries their communities and their world."

No offense guys.........

In 1994, eight hundred thousand people we slaughtered in 100 days in the Rwandan genocide.  A brilliant description of the complicated social, cultural and political events that lead to this catastrophe can be found in Romeo Dallaire's book, 'Shake Hands with the Devil' and in James Orbinski's book, 'An imperfect Offering'.  Both of these books changed the way I think about the world.

Human beings are hard wired with resilience and the people of Rwanda are remarkable examples of this.  Seventy percent of Rwanda's population was female in the aftermath of the genocide.  Women played a very small role in the political and cultural tensions that lead to the slaughter.  Only 2.3 % of  those who were jailed for the killings were female.  As a result, ' there was a broad sense afterward that females were more responsible and less inclined to savagery'.  Whether that is true or not, the country was prepared to give more rights and freedoms to women and allow them to seek after positions of power.

Paul Kagame, Rwanda's president since the genocide and the rebel leader who defeated the perpetrators, was very wise when he turned his focus on rebuilding the country.  

He said, "You shut that population (females) out of economic activity at your peril.  The decision to involve women, we did not leave it to chance.  In the constitution we said that women have to make up 30 percent of the parliament."

By 2007, forty-eight percent of the seats in parliament were held by women and in 2008, Rwanda became the first country in the world with a majority of female legislators at 55%.  It is one of the fastest growing economies in Africa.  It is also one of the least corrupt and best governed.

I don't think that men in particular are at fault for the vast number of nations in economic peril or for the resultant hardship, poverty, corruption, death and disease that exists in a struggling or failing state.  I do believe that whenever large groups of people are left powerless, stigmatized, abused and victimized, whether male or female, the over arching loss is the collective power, intelligence and creativity that can be used to prevent and overcome such darkness.

Another book that changed my life is ' Half the Sky' by Nicholas Kristof and Sheryl WuDunn.  A must read for anyone looking for ways to overcome our greatest challenges as a world.  The theme of the book is summed up in this quote.

"In the nineteenth century the central moral challenge was slavery.  In the twentieth century, it was the battle against totalitarianism ( remember Hitler?).  We believe that in this century the paramount moral challenge will be the struggle for gender equality around the world."

I help run an organization ( Bracelet of Hope ) whose goal is to end the AIDS pandemic in Lesotho.  Seventy percent of those infected with the virus worldwide are women.  This is not because of some gender-related biological quirk or some risky exposure that is unique to women.   This is because the women in our world struggle everyday to survive in households, villages and countries where their lives are ruled over by predominantly male power brokers.

Bring everyone, male and female alike, into the places of work and around the decision making tables, and not only will AIDS be eradicated, but so will poverty and needless child mortality.

Join Bracelet of Hope this Sunday, May 24th at Apt. 58 in Guelph for an afternoon of shopping, good conversation and food as we support the women of Lesotho.  A group of students from Ross CVI will be combining beautiful beads made by women in Lesotho with Canadian materials and design to create custom bracelets for order and sale.  Tickets are $20 and available online at braceletofhope.ca or at the door.   All proceeds go to Bracelet of Hope and our efforts to assist the women and children affected by AIDS in Lesotho. 

For those of you living  in other countries who follow this blog, you can donate online at the same website:  braceletofhope.ca or you can add your thoughts by emailing us at info@braceletofhope.ca.  We would love to add your voices to this conversation and I would love to write about your experiences and opinions.  

Dr. Anne-Marie Zajdlik MD CCFP
Founding Director, Bracelet of Hope
Braceletofhope.ca

Women to Women- A new international movement

            

2.7 billion live on less than $2/day

1.0 billion of these are children

                                                             70% or 1.4 billion are women

          But let's not forget the really, really good stuff that is happening in our world.  

          We are surrounded in and smothered by bad news stories; stories of terrorism, war, global poverty, economic and environmental collapse.  My voice is small but I still firmly believe in the power of good people who can change all that.  People who have not lost faith in a world that will be restored, people who still have the energy to stand, activate, inspire and encourage. They have gathered together to create powerful groups that are fighting for the protection of our environment, for the restoration of communities devastated by war and natural disaster and for the rights of the most vulnerable.  We have learned so much about how to fight for and conquer the world's greatest problems. 

Here is some of what I have learned:

 It is now firmly believed, based on international research, that eliminating gender disparity is the primary path forward to achieving global prosperity and peace.

A global movement to emancipate women and girls, to unlock women’s power as compassionate, community and family focused leaders and economic catalysts is the most effective way to fight global poverty and restore global security.

In my career, I have delivered thousands of babies and, by the grace of God,  not one mother or child died.  An intact health care system that is available to all, prevents these deaths.

                  

 In resource poor countries with little access to healthcare, one woman a minute or five jumbo jets worth of women, die in childbirth each day.  Ninety-nine % of these deaths are preventable.  Five Jumbo Jets.  All those women.  The most common cause of death in childbirth is post-partum hemorrhage.  A uterus that doesn't contract after delivery will bleed and if the bleeding is not stopped the mother will bleed to death.

What was the most effective, lifesaving skill I learned in medical school?  Once that beautiful newborn was delivered, my hand would automatically go to the top of the mother's uterus where I would apply pressure.  That's it.  Pressure applied to a uterus makes it contract.  A contracting uterus stops bleeding.  A new mother does not die and in resource poor countries, that means her children have a much greater chance of survival.  She works tirelessly to prevent her children from dying of starvation and disease.

 One small manouever, jumbo jets empty, thousands upon thousands of women survive.

        In all parts of the world regardless of class or race, women are viewed as the inferior gender, incapable and undeserving of the same rights as men.  They are left uneducated and powerless and in this powerless state, they are unable to lead efforts that fight for the health of their communities and countries.  In this powerless state, they are unable to join the board room tables and the political decision-making teams that should be creating effective healthcare systems which protect people from dying needlessly and thriving education systems that provide education for all.  

Here's the truth:  women with equal access to education will more likely survive childbirth, have healthy children and ensure that her children go to school.  If women in the developing world are educated for just 1 to 3 years, her country's child mortality rate will decrease by 15%.

   “Gender equality produces a double dividend:  it benefits both women and children.  Without it, it will be impossible to create a world of equity, tolerance and shared responsibility.”  UNICEF    

    

The status of women is directly related to the economic health of the community:  if women flourish, so does the nation’s economy.  UN economist Jeffery Sach’s

Countries that oppress their women are doomed to be failed states. Failed states increase extremism and terrorism which decrease global security.

By simply applying pressure after delivery, thousands of women live.  By creating a movement that eliminates gender inequality, countries are saved and the planet becomes a safer and healthier place to live.

Pretty simple from my point of view.  So, now that I can lift my emotionally weakened self and extend my arms on my own again, here is what I'd like to do.  Why don't we link the women (and men of course) in our country, starting first in our community, with the women of Lesotho?  Why don't we create a Women to Women partnership that empowers the mothers in this world to stand up and do what they do best; love and care for their families, their villages and their country.  

A team of women have already started this movement and on May 24^th we are going to do what we all love to do…..shop.  Something special will happen at this event.  We will create a new bracelet made by the combined efforts of our female colleagues in Lesotho and the lovely women in our community.  It will be beautiful.  

The Thirty Minute Challenge Part 2

Please share this widely.  It is a must see TEDx talk that should be viewed by all parents of young children.  The mental health of our children depends on what we do about the decline in play and all of the factors that have caused this decline.

Can Free Play Prevent Depression and Anxiety In Kids?

Katrina Schwartz | June 29, 2014 | 59 Comments

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Over the past 50-60 years, play time in kids’ lives has been drastically cut. School days and years are longer and parents often schedule enrichment activities for their children instead of giving them space to direct their own play. Children are rarely given the freedom to direct their own activities, leading to a persistent rise in children feeling that they have no control over their lives. And, while correlation doesn’t prove causation, Dr. Peter Gray, who has been studying play for years, says there’s strong evidence that in this case, the decline in play is leading to a rise in depression and acute anxiety among young people.

Check out his TEDx talk for all the details on this fascinating area of research. Read more aboutplay here.

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The Thirty Minute Challenge: lets save our kids

January 19, 2015

Today, before 2 pm, I had three anxious calls from mothers of pre-teen and teenage kids who were experiencing depressive symptoms and suicidal ideation.  By the end of the week, I will hear from several more.  I have no extra room in my schedule for these troubled teens.  The community has responded to the epidemic of mental illness in this age group by creating an urgent mental health clinic.  It runs from 1 pm to 7 pm every Tuesday.  The schools have responded by creating classes that teach kids how to manage generalized anxiety and panic.

I had a great conversation last week with a teacher.  She was in my exam room for an annual health exam.  People in her age group are very healthy, usually.  Periodic health exams are often opportunities to catch up, share stories, develop a deeper understanding of what makes a person tick:  what do they care about, what drives them, who do they love, what are their greatest fears.

I am always amazed at the number of times my patients discover what my greatest fears are and what makes me tick.  I love children.  I am fascinated by the development of the human brain;  how a tiny newborn brain rapidly develops the capacity to orchestrate a walking and talking toddler.  There is a tremendous accumulation of knowledge and skills in preschool kids:   physical, intellectual and emotional development that rapidly progresses and requires only a few key ingredients provided in a timely fashion, for success.   Kids should be happy and energetic, carefree and curious.  We should hear them singing.....a lot.  They should be eager to head outside to play.  Parents should be dragging them in when the street lights come on.  I am afraid for our kids.

Think about all the good stuff that happens when a kid is outside playing.  There is constant movement and that movement goes on for hours.  I struggle to complete an hour of cross country skiing before my knees ache but I remember when riding my bike all day long caused me no physical discomfort at all.  Except of course when I fell off the bike and skinned my knees which happened often.  I don't see skinned knees in my office anymore.

Think about what happens to that developing brain with hours and hours of daily physical activity.  The pituitary gland at the base of our brain is constantly stimulated allowing for the maximum production of growth hormone.  We grow tall and strong with mighty bones that can easily take us into our nineties.  The brain grows too:  billions of new neurons that construct balance, coordination, gross and fine motor development.  The healthy brain has an intact blood brain barrier.  That's the brain's main line of defence against infection.  Activity makes those neurons function well with healthy synapses that allow for the effortless flow of information from one neuron to the next.  The healthy brain is less likely to develop cancer or succumb to dementia.  Memory and intellect heighten with physical activity.  There is maximum growth, peak intelligence, effortless memory and intact mood.

An hour of exercise everyday is as powerful as a low dose of a selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitor, the most common antidepressant I prescribe.  Does that mean that hours and hours of activity in the growing child allows for mental health and resilience to mood disorders later on in life?  Does inactivity not only decrease mood but also the ability to cope with the normal difficulties and stressors in life? Is this why our chidlren are anxious?  It certainly may be one of the reasons.

The average school-aged child sits in front of a screen or stares at a hand held device for five hours a day.  FIVE HOURS.

Back to my conversation with this lovely teacher.  She lamented at how difficult it was to pull  kids away from their screens and get them outside to play.  She described cajoling kids to come out from under stair wells and behind closed doors to get out to the school yard.  She described how, once there, the kids stood wondering what to do next and most resorted to standing in group circles, all of them staring at their smart phones.

Our kids have forgotten how to play.  

Play is a very important type of physical activity.  Play teaches that miraculous growing brain how to imagine, create, problem solve and work in groups.  Play brings joy and laughter.  It heightens the amount of endorphins ( hormones that give us a sense of well-being and happiness ) in our brains.  Play makes children happy.  But not only that,  play distracts a child from the negative influences too often found on their screens like gratuitous violence, cyber bullying and negative peer group antics.

The Heart and Stroke Foundation recommends less than 2 hours a day of screen time and more than 1 hour a day of physical activity.  These recommendations have been proven to reduce the risk of diabetes, obesity and heart disease.  Not just in the 40 year olds, but in teenagers and 20 year olds where the incidence of these diseases are soaring.  I believe that less than 2 hours a day does not address the emotional consequences of inactivity and lack of play.

I am putting the thirty minute challenge out there.  When my kids were growing up they could not watch any television during the week.  They hated us.  We would set the timer for thirty minutes when they sat in front of a computer screen to play and if they re-set the timer without us noticing, they lost all computer privileges for the rest of the week.  They did not own a cell phone until grade nine and with my two older boys, that cell phone stayed home when they went to school.

Taking the thirty minute challenge requires courage.  It has to start early.  It means you can't use an ipad or smart phone to entertain your toddlers while you are legitimately distracted with something else.   It means that your teenagers will likely want to live somewhere else which may not be a bad thing.  It means you'll have to spend more time playing with your kids, outside or sitting around a dinner table arguing with each other.  At least there, they will learn the intricacies of socialization from their parents and not their peers.

It may mean that you won't be in a position someday of searching for urgent help, that barely exists, for your anxious or suicidal teen.

Dedicated to my new great nephew, Henry John who was born on January 30, 2015.  May your early years be filled with joy, love, laughter and PLAY.

Dr. Anne-Marie Zajdlik MD CCFP
Founder of Bracelet of Hope

Orphaned by AIDS: The World Has Already Forgotten About You

It was a sparkling morning, the sun piercing and the sky a brilliant blue.  Mountains pushed up all around us as the ever- present Basotho people went about their business on the hills and in the valleys.  Today, their main focus and the focus of 90 % of the country’s population was to get to church where they will spend upwards of 5 hours in praise and worship, prayer and thanksgiving.

We arrived to an empty church.  The service I attended here months before was in a very small and narrow building which now sits above this new, much larger, much brighter sanctuary.  The new structure has walls, a roof and a floor but only a few windows in place.  Windows are expensive and the remaining frames will sit open to the coming winter until next year when the church may be able to gather the funds to fill them.  On this sunny, early fall day, the open-air effect was quiet appealing and comfortable. 

We were ushered to a front row of seats draped decoratively in fine linen.  There we sat as the place slowly filled to capacity.  My thoughts wandered. 

This room is a beautiful airy space.  It feels like God himself floats in and out of the unfinished windows.  Joy flows freely among these people when they gather here.  Joy, passion, life, goodwill.  I feel calm, free of anxiety.  I feel at peace.  My body relaxes.  I take it all in.  There is no schedule, no rush, no place else to be and nothing that needs to be done;  in the moment, a place I rarely embrace.

This Sunday was children’s day.  Hundreds of children sat opposite us on the other side of the pulpit.  They sat for hours, listening, singing, cheering and raising their arms in the air;  multi- coloured shirts and shorts contrasting their dark and deeply beautiful skin, hair kept short for school and brilliant, dazzling smiles….. I think this is when my disconnection started.  No where else in my lifetime had I seen so many achingly beautiful children. 

Heart aching, I skillfully dodged my emotions. I am trained to disconnect:


“I must not get close to you.  I must not engage with you.  I must keep my distance from you for secretly I know, your pain and suffering is a burden that I could never bare.  Secretly I fear, that despite my best intentions and any huge efforts I make, I may be impotent to do anything about your lot in life. You are the orphans of Africa.  The world has a very short attention span.  The world has already forgotten about you."

There were hundreds of wrapped presents lining one wall of the church.   They looked odd sitting there.  This was March and I was pretty certain that each gift was wrapped in Christmas paper.   As the service closed the pastor announced that the children had been waiting long enough.  It was now time for each of them to receive their Christmas gift.   I’d say.  It had been 4 hours.  Actually, given that this was March, these kids had waited about three months.  These gifts had made their way from Ireland.  A hold up at some border crossing had delayed this shipment of gifts and so, these children had to wait until March to celebrate Christmas.

I am sure that is OK with all of you.  These poverty stricken, orphaned and ill children deserve to wait until March……right?  

Music started and the room was filled with an upbeat praise and worship song.  It played over and over again.   There were at least 250 children and waiting for them was a gift labeled with each child's name.  One by one, every single name was called and every child stood up to receive their gift.  It took two hours.  Some sat beside their gift, some sat on their gift and others guarded their gifts on their laps......for two hours.  I would imagine this is the one gift they get each year and sadly, many millions more cannot even hope for one.  But there they sat, waiting.  So beautiful, so patient.

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And then the count down..10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1….GO.

I stood frozen as 250 Christmas gifts were ripped open, loud music now mixed with screams of joy and laughter.  Sheer joy.  Sheer laughter.  A pair of sunglasses for him.  A stuffed animal for her.  A golden purse to hold pretty things.  A glow in the dark necklace.  A pair of pink ear muffs.  A beautiful doll in a pink dress held triumphantly for all to see;  I watched as my travelling companions smothered themselves in wrapping paper, Christmas gifts and very happy children.  They were totally immersed, unabashedly joyful.

I watched and remained disconnected, arms folded in stubborn defiance.  I will not feel this joy.  I will not smile.  I will not engage with these kids because they just might break my heart.

My stubborn defiance and refusal to connect comes from a very deep place.  It is a place in my soul where I believe that each child should feel joy everyday.  Where I believe that Christmas should come on Christmas Day for everyone.  Where I believe that a world that has essentially forgotten these children can be gently reminded of how important it is to re-engage and stay focused despite the multitude of distractions and comforts that make us forget so easily.  It is a place in my soul that I protect from any overwhelming emotion.  

Stay focused.  There is a job to do.  Don't let the pain of their suffering stop you from doing something about it.

I lingered a bit as the church emptied.  It was really tough to leave that room, to leave this remarkable moment, to leave these forgotten children.

Today, more than 2 years later, I am dreading the annual task of taking the ornaments off the Christmas tree.  Another season is over and tomorrow I will head back to the busyness of my life.   I think of these kids as I head into 2015.  Next year will be different for them.  On a plot of land right beside that sanctuary where I lingered, we will build a clinic.  Two and a half years later, in that deep place buried with my defiance and my deepest emotion, I see a vision of you, of all of us sharing in that moment of celebration and joy.  You and me and all those children.  Despite the world's short memory, despite all of the obstacles and despite all of the people who have given up and walked away believing the situation was hopeless, we have found a way forward and nothing can stop us now.

Brings a resolute smile to my face which I have been saving, just for them.

Dr. Anne-Marie Zajdlik MD CCFP O. Ont.

Founder of Bracelet of Hope

Braceletofhope.ca

Photos by our very talented Sharon Barker.

Our third annual World AIDS Day event raised over $50,000 with our crowd funding campaign sitting at just over $14,000.  Click here. Let's build this clinic.