I have not said, " Don't panic" in a couple of posts so, I will say it again. Don't panic. There. Now that that is off my chest, I will tell you about my panic attack this afternoon, the one that resulted in how frazzled I looked by the end of the day.
I woke up realizing that I had been dreaming about how things were before this whole thing started. Like a thud, the pandemic is sitting on my chest waking me up with the immediate understanding that things are now very different. I hate mornings like these. By the time I got to the kitchen the dread had eased and then, as I was brushing my teeth, I felt this surge of gratitude. Grateful for a tooth brush and water coming out of a tap. Where did that come from? This is a strange place and time for gratitude.
Back to the kitchen and a second surge hit. Grateful for the old sugar and flour dispensers I bought years ago at an antique shop in Elora and the deep red spoon holder that matches my sugar bowl. Wow, more gratitude. I looked out the window. There’s the sun. "Where the heck have you been? We have needed you." But, here you are, filling up my grateful morning. This has to be some sort of craziness that has settled into my fatigued brain. Moments later, looking out the window, Ahh, here we go. It's there. Green grass. Thank you.
I had forgotten the lesson I learned years ago, that gratitude is a buffer to fear and anxiety. It can actually make your mind, body and soul impenetrable to even the most massive of stressors. Like a COVID 19 pandemic.
I may have started the day with that grateful brain but this afternoon I saw five patients in a row. Some with ailments that are concerning. On Wednesdays, I run my HIV clinic. Today, I witnessed two pandemics colliding with an interesting result. I started to panic and the fear ramped up quickly. What if one of these folks has the virus? What if it gets passed on to one of my staff? What if one of these patients with there vulnerable immune systems gets the virus. Mind racing and head spinning, I tore off my personal protective equipment when the last patient was out the door and flopped into my chair, elbows on my desk, head in hands.
I phoned the next patient. She has lost her job and the restaurant she worked in will not likely re-open. She is a single mom, hunkering down in self-isolation waiting it out. She just sounded so calm, so at peace. I asked her why. She reminded me that she came to Canada from a refugee camp in Rwanda. Living through a genocide, and an AIDS pandemic, has actually given this woman the remarkable ability to weather the COVID 19 pandemic with minimal fear.
I was humbled.
Perspective brings peace. And here is today's perspective.
April promises to bring a new wave of infections. We are expecting a surge for a variety of epidemiological reasons. April will test our resolve as individuals and as a country. April will require gratitude to hone our resilience and strength.
There is very strong evidence that Canada, as a whole, has faired well. The worst case scenario may just pass us by. The virus will pass you by if you stay safe and inside.
The only cure for this virus is prevention of transmission which means, do all you can do to avoid getting it. Be grateful for a high quality health care system that is rapidly preparing itself for this surge of new infections. That system saves lives and reduces the mortality rate.
And remember, by far, the vast majority of people who get the virus, do very well. I know of a few convalescing at home.
As for the future, I believe the strength we gain as we weather this storm will be used to pick up the pieces. We will re-build using every good quality that humans possess. I look forward to that.
Stay safe, stay inside and be grateful.
